“The early days were the hardest”

So, it’s been what?... 2 weeks since I’ve posted a blog. Yeah since my last blog Ive been busy getting ready for the last SACs of this term (and of the year). Then, just this past week, ive had that god-awful flu virus that was going around last season, only I happen to get it at the beginning of spring. Wut? Anyway, been too sick to do anything and am still home from school today but I figured it’s been too long since I’ve written anything.

It should be noted that last Tuesday was the 6-month anniversary since my jaw surgery and so I thought I might share with you the ins and outs of what happened on the other side. If you haven’t already, be sure to check out the first part of this blog detailing the day I went in: "I was not nervous in the slightest"

When I woke up from surgery, I had pretty much no concept of time or space for about four days. I was just in and out of sleep at random intervals. I just know that when I was awake, I didn’t want to be. And not in like a depressing way, just I felt extremely uncomfortable and groggy. Firstly, I had this tube in my nose which was the only way any liquid forming in my mouth could be suctioned out. I know this is disgusting but it was my reality. My jaw was virtually clamped shut. I didn’t start opening and closing until about four days later. This was especially scary in the times when I felt like I had to puke. Although, thankfully it never happened, I would not have been able to spit it out. The idea of choking terrified me. On top of this I had an oxygen mask which was also uncomfortable on top of everything else. I think I made a poor effort to try and get rid of it but the nurse kept adjusting it back. I honestly felt like it was making it harder to breath, not easier. I was tapped up all around my mouth and underneath my chin. I even had more drains stitched into my throat – those (I think) were taken out a day later which was one of the most awful feelings. I can’t describe it. from day one I looked like I’d been in a car accident.

My first night in ICU was pretty blurry to be honest; the only clear memory I have is wanting to call dad and I think I was off my face at the time because I seemed to find my fingers very amusing. I was able to say hello using that back of my throat, how that came across I don’t know but we managed to communicate. My sister and brother were also talking to me on the other end when they told me that mum and dad had bought me tickets to see Shawn Mendes in December. I remember pointing out the posters on the way to the hospital that morning and saying something along the lines of wanting to go. So apparently while I was under, mum nabbed up two tickets for me as a hospital present. I couldn’t talk properly yet but I managed a squeal of sheer excitement.

Oh, back track; I do vaguely remember the first person to visit me right after the operation was one of our old family friends – Geraldine. I wasn’t fully conscious (I hadn’t even sit up for the first time yet) but I was able to squeeze her hand to let her know I knew she was there.

I don’t actually have any idea what ICU even looks like, I could only identify sound and depending on how loud I could determine how close things were. For example all the rooms were conjoined because the whole time I was in, there was a screaming baby next door that just would not go to sleep. Also, there were a lot of beeping because of all the monitors I was on. I had several different nurses during the two days I spent in there but I have no clue as to what they looked like. The only thing I could see was my mum because I told her to stay close to my face. I think in ICU I was visited by two girls whom im friends with at the hospital through a program called ChIPS and then and another time I was visited but one of the team leaders of ChIPS.

I think I was the most happy when my dancing teacher came to visit me on the second night. She brought me presents but I was just happy to see her. It was also the first time I saw myself in the mirror. The nurses had just taken out the drains from my neck and then while she was there I was transferred to my own room. That night was also special because I remember the whole fam was gathered at my bed when my teacher – Wendy – got a phone call from her son In London saying he’d landed a roll in a movie. At the time, it was secret because It was early filming days but we were all so excited. Even I let out my own cry of joy. That was a good night.

I was told that during the operation I had lost quit a significant amount of blood so I was given a blood transfusion and then I think later I was given another one. The blood transfusion was quite a scary revelation but then again, a lot of the next few days was scary. Most of the time was either sore or uncomfortable and I couldn’t sleep. I was on constant drugs and fluids but I also had a dry mouth because I didn’t drink for four days. I was aware that I was also bleeding from the back of my throat and I got nauseous a lot. The most common thing I asked for was to roll over but every movement ached. The only think that would somewhat keep me from panicking was knowing that my mum was there. there was one point when I was calling and calling but she wasn’t around. People were there but no one would answer me and I just felt completely petrified because the nursed were moving things around without telling me what was going on. mum finally appeared from apparently being in the bathroom and I just burst out crying. The early days were the hardest.

Right this is a depressing way to end but it does get a whole lot better after this. I’ve just realised it will required a whole other blog! Stick around for more!

Have a lovely day xx